The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
