So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
