I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
