Will you blow on my dice?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
