i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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