JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
sex in a hospital.. check
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
