He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
