Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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