I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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