I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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