sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i barfeds in our rink
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
