Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
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Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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