i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
