Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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