In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
