Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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