You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
