sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
