Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize