went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
