i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
