Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
