Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
