sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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