do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
