I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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