Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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