Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
