That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
