i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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