the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
