can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
