Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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