If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
