Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
