The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
