i was born a porn star she said
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
