So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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