help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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