Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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