I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
