I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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