Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
