There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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