I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
