saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
