tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Come on in and take your pants off
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