my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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