best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
