I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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