and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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