apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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