My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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