you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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