Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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