so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He is an equal opportunity slut.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
