You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize