If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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