maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening