Will you blow on my dice?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Dating After Heartbreak
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.