Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(225): View more from Louisiana

you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?

(504): View more from Louisiana

im sorry, i don't get text messages.

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(815): View more from Illinois

escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(603): View more from New Hampshire

I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.

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(313): View more from Michigan

There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding

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(613): View more from Ontario

The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...

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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable

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(502): View more from Kentucky

In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.

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