She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
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She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
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I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.