you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.