I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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