is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.