You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
