id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
