He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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