I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
