Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
