She announced her abortion via fbk
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
