How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
