Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
They have beer where we have blood.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
