yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
