I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
