This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
