This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
