On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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