Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
