Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
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I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
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Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker