halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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