After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
