if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
3 2 1 whiskey
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
