I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
