D3 body, D1 cock
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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